Hello out there.
It’s been a while since we talked last – the past year has been more or less focused on my good friend Emma Chase. Which is fine, don’t get me wrong – Emma’s a great chick.
But now it’s my turn. This is the Drew Show – welcome back.
In case you need a refresher – here’s how it works. You send in questions you want me to answer or topics you’re just dying to hear my brilliant thoughts on, and I respond here. Each month. You can leave your questions in the comment section of this post, or email Emma about it. Tweeting her works too – Emma likes the Twitter.
Me? Not so much. I’m just too damn busy to describe the weather, how many cups of coffee I’ve had or the number of times I’ve gotten my rocks off in 140 characters or less.
Now that that’s out of the way, we’ll get to the good stuff. Today’s column.
The majority of you wrote in and said you wanted me to talk about Celebrity Culture.
Yeah. For real – that was the most asked-for topic.
I have to say you guys surprised me. So high-brow. Intellectual. I figured you’d be more interested in my pick-up lines or cunnillingus technique.
Cunnillingus.
That’s a nice word. Much better than Influenza. You should try and use it at least three times today. Or, even better – have it done to you at least three times today.
But I digress.
So Celebrity Culture – Justin Beiber, Miley Cyrus, the god damn Kardashians.
Back when I was kid, people became famous because they were actually good at something. Because they achieved grand accomplishments. I remember when Derek Jeter was drafted to the Yankees when he was eighteen years old – only a few years older than me at the time. And I idolized him. We all frigging idolized him. Because he was fresh out of high school and a New York Yankee. Because he was an amazing ball player and deserved to be on the roster. And yes, because the pussy he was scoring must have been astounding.
But my point is – Jeter was looked up to, famous, because of his talent. Natural ability that he worked hard to develop and maintain.
That’s a characteristic sorely lacking in kids’ idols today.
What have the Kardashians ever done? Sure, the one with the big ass had a sex tape – and I’m a huge fan of sex tapes. I highly recommend making one yourself.
But unless your plan is to be a legendary porn star – that shouldn’t be your only claim to fame.
And, to be honest, the younger generation scares the ever loving shit out of me. They’re terrifying.
Not because they’re wild and crazy and fucking YOLO. Every generation has their wild moments. Hell, get a few drinks in my old man and he’ll tell you all about the times he, George and Frank used to drive to the suburbs and play mailbox baseball in broad daylight.
The problem with today’s youth isn’t that they’re outrageous – it’s that they’re so frigging stupid about it.
They get into a fight…and put it on Youtube.
They host an epic beer bash in their basement…and post pictures on Facebook.
They hold up their transgressions for all the world to see…and then they’re surprised when the authorities come knocking on their door.
Scary.
But that’s part of the problem with celebrity culture today – people are household names because of their trashiness and poor choices. They’re looked up to because they’re assholes, so we shouldn’t be surprised when the little punks who want to be like them act like assholes themselves.
And another thing – what’s with parents? Everyone’s afraid to give their kids a hard time. They bend over backwards and mortgage their homes to the gills to make life smooth and easy for their offspring.
Newsflash people: life isn’t smooth and easy. Struggling builds character, getting an ass beating from a righteously pissed off father teaches valuable lessons.
When I was sixteen, I got caught making out with the gardener’s daughter in the tool shed of my parent’s place in the country. The next day, he quit. My parents had the dough to hire another gardener.
But that’s not what they did.
Who do you think mowed the grass, weeded my mother’s flower garden, and trimmed the never ending rows of evergreen hedges?
Yep – fucking me. And it sucked. It was hot, hard, backbreaking work.
But it taught me a lesson I’ll never forget: Don’t screw around with the gardener’s daughter.
Or, if you do…don’t get caught.
Justin Beiber may be eighteen years old – but if he was my father’s son? He would’ve gotten smacked around from one end of his mansion to the other. His Jaguar would’ve been crushed into a tiny little cube.
There’s something unnatural about parents being financially dependent on their child. It steals them of their credibility. It robs their kid of direction.
Parents are supposed to be the wardens – not the inmates.
So there you go. That’s my two-fucking-sense on that particular current issue.
In closing, I’ll sum up with this: Kids – if you want to be famous – make sure you have a talent, an accomplishment you can be proud of. And parents – bring the hammer down on your kid once in a while. There’s gonna be times when they pray for your pacemaker to malfunction, or for your car to spontaneously burst into flames…but eventually, they’ll be better human beings because you chose to be hard-ass.
That’s it for today. Hope you enjoyed my return to the advice business. See you in May.
Drew Evans – signing off.
Drew Evans is a character from The Tangled Series by Emma Chase. This post is for humor and entertainment for readers of the series. for more information on the series visit the authors blog here.
Drew Evans is a character from The Tangled Series by Emma Chase. This post is for humor and entertainment for readers of the series. for more information on the series visit the authors blog here.
